Sometimes, you have to take a step backwards to move forward

One of life’s truisms is that sometimes, to take a step forward, sometimes you have to take a step (or two or three) backwards. Unfortunately, I must take a six and a half month leave of absence from school to deal with a health issue. Oh no, it’s not a drastic health issue that would cost me my life or anything like that! That said, my issue is one that is compromising my ability to successfully get through my classes and if not dealt with now, would compromise my ability to successfully complete medical school and residency.

You see, I have a condition called “Keratoconus” and because of it, I am legally blind in both eyes. My vision in the left eye is 20/400 and, in my right, my vision is 20/200. I was first diagnosed with the condition in 2006 and in 2007, I started wearing polymethyl methacrylate contact lenses. Basically, these lenses are made of plexiglass and while. They gave me better than 20/20 vision in both eyes, they are not permeable to oxygen. My eyes ended up very dry and irritated after 6 to 8 hours of wear. Sometimes, the contacts would get so dry that they would fall out of my eyes; I lost more than one contact lens this way when I was in undergrad!

A few years later, in 2009 or ’10, I transitioned to a hybrid contact lens. This lens has a rigid, gas permeable center surrounded by a soft skirt. The lenses are MUCH more comfortable than the rigid lens and I can wear them up to 12 hours a day. Wearing them this long, I can get 10 to 12 months of use out of the lenses. Unfortunately, VSP (my eye insurance) no longer considers my lenses medically necessary and so they only cover $25 of the $405 cost. Correction, that is $405 for EACH lens. Being in medical school, I am wearing my lenses up to 20 hours in a day and I have worn out a set of lenses (I usually purchase two sets at a time). At this rate, this won’t be sustainable and I’m already experiencing vision issues from wearing these worn-out contacts.

So, I applied for a leave of absence yesterday and it was approved today. I hate to take the LOA but I’ve got to get my vision issues taken care of. Medical school isn’t going to get any easier and by the time I reach 3rd and 4th year rotations and eventually residency, I could be burning through contact lenses every three months. I spoke with my physician back home and on 14th of December, I’ll be seeing him in his office to discuss and weigh the pros/cons of having a double cornea transplant vs. being fitted with the latest in contact lens technology, the scleral lens.

I wrestled with taking the LOA over the last week. I’d already decided that I was going to continue with medical school but a couple of weeks ago, in gross anatomy lab, I misidentified something that was so egregious that my professor half joked that my vision must be going bad. I nervously laughed it off but inside, I knew that my contacts were worn out and I had been having difficulties recognizing images in histology for a few weeks. So, I decided to be proactive and take the LOA so that I can get ahead of this situation before it leads to failing something. The downside is that I’ll be missing the start of my next class, Unit 3 and will have to pick up my studies with the entering class of 2026. But, I have to take a step backwards to move forward. The upside is that once my vision issues are corrected, I won’t have to worry about worn out contacts or limitations on how many hours a day I can wear contacts. I’ll have crisp vision and will be able to successfully complete my classes and eventually, clinical rotations and my residency. I must take a step backwards to take a step forward.

What this is all teaching me is that when unexpected challenges arise, when things go wrong, the temptation is to tell ourselves that we have failed. Not only that, but the temptation to then quit and run back to what is comfortable grows within us. That is how many people have lost out on their dreams. Medical school is a long game and things may happen during that long game that will knock you down. Like me, you may have to take a step back to take the step forward into progress. Though I will be out of school until July 2022, I won’t just sit around. I worked with our curriculum guru to devise a study schedule using the Kaplan USMLE/COMLEX Board Prep materials that we have, and I will be downloading all of the PowerPoints and learning objectives for the first three units so that I can 1) stay in the know and 2) Be ready to start Unit 3 upon my return. I must take a step back to take a step forward. Not the worst thing in the world.

P.S. - For those of you who are interested in opthomology, check out my corneal topography and corneal thickness maps. The technology medicine is AWESOME.