Is it worth it?
I’m still trying to come to a conclusive answer to this question. Last night, I noticed that Eboni wasn’t in the greatest of moods. I chalked it up to some negativity that had occurred with one of her cousins earlier in the week. As we were having breakfast today, Eboni said that she feels like we’re married but not really married. She went on to say that while she knew that the path through medical school would be tough, she did not think that it was going to be this tough. She also mentioned that she is lonely. No surprise there; she works 12-14 hours a day, from home, as a medical educator, and then when I get home, we spend a few minutes together and then I’m studying for the rest of the evening. I can tell that she is intensely unhappy. I wouldn’t say that she is ready for a breakup or divorce, but I also think that something must change on my part. The problem is time.
My birthday is this week, on the 10th and Eboni wanted to do something nice for my 51st. Unfortunately, however, final exams are next week, starting on the 14th and ending on the 16th. I must use this remaining time to study/cram as much as I can. I saw how disappointed Eboni was because we didn’t get to do anything special for my 50th because of the pandemic and I know that she really wanted to do something special for my 51st.
Medical school is this all-consuming beast and despite. My best efforts, I have still not figured out how to lead a balanced life (if that is possible) while being a medical student. There is just so much information to master and any day that is not spent studying sets you back. Its. Tough when you have a spouse/significant other and/or children. You want to spend time with them, but so much of your time must be spent in the books and doing school-related things. I’m going to investigate the spouses support group at school to see if that might be a way that Eboni can make some friends with like-minded folks as well as give her an outlet. She also admitted that the main reason why she went back to school for a second doctorate was to keep herself busy. Now that she is nearing completion and her semesters are getting lighter, she has more time on her hands to think and notice how life is not what she had hoped it would be at this stage of our relationship.
If you are thinking about medical school, just know that there will be sacrifices. As much as you try to live a balanced life, its very hard to do and there are things that will fall through the cracks. There will be birthdays that you miss. There will be funerals that you miss. There will be times when you want to do something special four birthday and you’ll be forced to decide, do I do something on this day, or do I study? And if you have a significant other/spouse on this ride with you, do everything that you can to ensure that they have a support network outside of you so that they can survive the journey as well. Time to go study…
