My UIWSOM EMT Clinical Experience

Today, I did a 12-hour EMS ride along with Acadian Ambulance; the ride along is part of the UIWSOM EMT curriculum and is a medical school graduation requirement. I’ve been a military and civilian medic in the past, so the EMT-B course and the required ride along did not present any new information or situations that I haven’t seen before, but the EMS ride along did serve a useful purpose as far as helping to remind me of my “Why medicine?”

We got started at 0600. Unlike crews that I have worked with in the past, the crew that I worked with today did not take much time preparing their unit for the day. To their credit, they did change out the main oxygen cylinder, but the unit ran low on gloves (I ended up loaning some of mine to the Basic that was on the rig), the heart monitor was on the fritz, the portable oxygen cylinder regulator did not work, and there were a few other key items that were in short supply. Luckily, while we had a very busy day, we ended up having enough to get through the shift.

Our first call came in at 0630; we received a call about a stabbing victim but we didn’t have any other information about the scene or what to expect. When we got to the scene, San Antonio PD was present and the victim, while having a deep stab wound, was otherwise stable. I just threw myself into the day and I think that the Basic was OK with that. That was really the pattern that ensued all day. I would volunteer to do everything that I could, and the paramedic and I worked each patient.

The next call came at 0922; she was a 42-year-old Latina female who had metastatic cancer. Her husband called because his wife had been complaining of worsening right upper quadrant pain and blood in her urine for the previous three days. This was an emotional call for me as Eboni recently lost a 29-year-old cousin to metastatic throat cancer. I had to work really hard to not transfer my emotions to the patient, but I got through it. There wasn’t much that we could do to help this patient, but what stood out to me was her reaction at me holding her hand and helping her to slow her breathing. I don’t know if what I did helped with her pain at all but I believe that I gave her something else to focus on outside of her pain. After we arrived at the hospital, the paramedic gave report to the nurse and the basic took the gurney back to the ambulance. I stayed in the room and asked the patient if I could pray for her; she said yes and we prayed. After our prayer, she looked at me, smiled, and with tears in her eyes, said, “Thank you.”

The day was very busy with different calls but one that left me feeling some kind of way was one of the last calls. We were sent to do an interfacility transfer; the patient at hospital A was a baby that we were to pick up at NICU and then transport to hospital B. When we got to hospital A, the parents were adamant that they did not want a Black man working with their child. The paramedic explained that I am a medical student and that this would be a valuable learning experience for me, but the parents would not back down. The medic asked me if I wanted them to call another unit to handle the transfer, but I told her to continue the transfer, but I would stay at hospital A and then they could come back for me after the transfer. This satisfied the parents and did not delay the care of the child. This still impacted me however and I felt a great deal of sadness at the fact that people would allow their racism to potentially compromise the care of a loved one or themselves. I follow a number Black physicians on Twitter and many share similar stories. I guess I will just have to develop thicker skin.

After our final call, we made it back to the station at 1830. My preceptor gave me a great evaluation and asked if I wanted to work part time for Acadian through my first two years of medical school. I told them that I would think about the offer. For anyone who is considering attending UIWSOM, the EMT curriculum is a nice addition (would be nicer if it were better integrated into our Unit 1, but that is a subject for a different posting…) and if you have never worked in emergency medicine, use this opportunity to throw yourself into what could be an EXCELLENT experience. You will get out of it what you put into it. Next on the docket? I have to take and pass the NREMT-B exam; it will be the final graduation requirement of the EMT part of our curriculum.

A better day....

Today, my wife and I had our first couples therapy session. There were a lot of tears, hugs, and end of session WORK, but I feel hopeful that we will come through this with a stronger marriage and I will be a better man and father as well. One of the things that I told the therapist today was that the weight of this, well, I wouldn’t call it a secret since we always knew that there was a possibility that I could have a child, I would call it an ignored issue. The weight of this was ALWAYS somewhere in my thoughts. Sometimes, it would pop up randomly in my sleep or I would think about it when I was taking an exam. I can recognize now how when you have unresolved issues, no matter what they are, you can’t run from or ignore them. They will affect everything that you do. In my case, getting through my PhD and now medical school, has been up to this point, more difficult because this issue was a 200-pound albatross hanging around my neck. While the last few days have been emotionally hard, I feel lighter than I have at any point in the last 10 years. Having my unresolved issue out in the open so that I can DEAL WITH IT is a wonderful feeling. I would urge you all to take time to deal with any unresolved issues that you may have in your life. They don’t just go away. No matter what the issue (or issues) is, it will haunt you at the most inopportune moments in your life. Certainly if you are going to be attending medical school, you don’t need things popping up at random moments; you have too much to lose….

Anyway, I have scheduled an individual therapy appointment with a therapist, and I have that appointment on the 26th. This is a good time for me to work on the anxiety and self-esteem issues that have cropped up since starting medical school. I also want to work on some of the stuff that I’ve been harboring in relation to my family/parents; there are things that I now see that influenced my thinking and were a part of some of the bad choices that I made in my youth. I want to break the cycle and not carry these things forward into this next half of my life. When I turned 50, I told my wife that this represented an opportunity for me to be happy; there weren’t a ton of happy moments in my youth and up until I met my wife in 2006, there wasn’t a ton that I took joy in. But God has given me the gift of continued life so I want to make it the best life that it can be going forward.

Outside of reviewing old material to keep it fresh, mostly gross anatomy and OMT, I am working on turning my dissertation into three publishable articles and my wife and I have a joint manuscript that we are working on along with an abstract that we want to submit to APHA. We also are going to be speaking at the Beyond Flexner Conference in March. This is going to be a busy spring and I’m hoping to get all of this stuff done before my medical school classes resume in July. Keep me lifted friends!

Asking for prayers

Today is one of those days when I wish that I had a good spiritual advisor or an older male who has lived life that I could speak with and get some advice from. I did something very stupid in 2009 and the results of that stupidity have come back to bite me. There is this saying that what is done in the dark will come to the light, Its only a matter of time when it comes out...

I’m requesting prayers for my wife, myself, and our marriage. Back in the summer of 2009, I hooked up with an ex and had a one-night stand. Later, maybe 4-5 months later, she called my wife (who was then my grlfriend) and said that she was pregnant. At the time, we didn’t know if the child was mine or the guy that my ex was dating, but as you can imagine, my wife was quite angry and hurt. At the time, she asked me to prove to her, one way or the other if the child was mine or not. She’d also said that she didn’t know if she could be a stepmother and didn’t know if she would stay or leave if the child did prove to be mine. Out of fear of losing my relationship, I made the selfish decision to not do anything and really, I just pretended that the issue didn’t exist. The issue was always somewhere on my wife's mind and from time to time, we would argue about it. Well, this past Sept. I arranged for a DNA test and the results came back yesterday (Sat., 1/22/2022): I have a son. As you can imagine, my wife is hurt but she agreed to marital therapy though there is no telling what will happen long term. And of course, I must figure out how to move forward with a son that is 10 or 11 and has never met me. This is a mess of my own creation and no matter what happens, I must accept the consequences, but I will need prayers for strength, patience, and understanding and if it is God’s will that my wife forgives me and keep me as her husband, we’ll need prayers for continued healing, patience, and understanding.

So, I sit here, in tears with a part of myself feeling ike I have no right to ask for forgiveness from my wife or God, I humbly ask you, the reader, to send prayers so that I can emerge from this as a stronger man who has an intact marriage and hopefully, a relationship with a son that he has never met.

Signs...

It’s funny that sometimes, when you doubt your path and you ask God to show you a sign that you are either doing the right thing or need to transition to a new path, he hits you in the head with a bag of bricks sometimes to make it crystal clear as to what you need to be doing. I obviously listen to my wife in these matters, but sometimes, you need to hear things from other people who God is speaking through.

Last week, I was asked to participate on the DEI council at the Southern California University of Health Sciences PA program. After the initial meeting, the chair and I spoke but before we did, she said, “Daryl, are you a praying man?” I said, “Yes.” We prayed and afterwards, before we started to discuss our DEI business, she told me, and Eboni was there, “God told me to tell you to go back to what you are meant to do. Stop being disobedient.” She went on to tell me how she was so PROUD to not only see a Black male as a medical student but to see one that was older. She described her story of being a 24-year-old PA back in 1984 and seeing her first patient and not knowing how to talk to or relate to the patient. She ended our conversation by saying that I wouldn’t know peace if I didn’t walk my path, no matter how difficult.

That was sign one.

This week, I had sign two and three. I’d applied for two faculty roles, one at Concordia University-Irvine and the other at Arizona State University. I interviewed well at CU-Irvine and after the second round of interviews, the Dean of the College of Health Sciences and the Department Chair said that I was the number one candidate AND that they were offering me the position. They went on to say that after a year, they envisioned me being promoted to director of the Master of Public Health program so that I could shepherd them through the CEPH accreditation process. They also talked about how I could help raise the research profile of the department given my current research and the fact that I’d had a hand in recently applying for a PCORI grant. They ended the conversation by saying that on 4-January, I would be getting an offer letter from HR and that they supported me negotiating a relocation package and a higher salary. I was ESTATIC! I thought that this was the sign that God was sending me and Eboni and I started visioning what life was going to be like going back home to the West where we love it so much. Well, imagine our surprise when on the 4th instead of the offer, I was told that I would need to go through ANOTHER round of interviews, this time with the President of CU-I and the Provost AND I was going to have to participate in a 2 ½ hour teaching demonstration. I asked the Department Chair if this was in error, and she told me that this had been an oversight on their part. Later that day, I asked HR if there were a salary range for the position and she referred me to the Dean. The Dean responded by saying that the school couldn’t afford me. I have my own reasons why I think things went down the way that they did but essentially, I feel that this was another sign from God. Earlier today, I received a turndown from ASU saying that while my “background and accomplishments are impressive, they have decided to move in a different direction. We’ll keep your CV for 90 days, and if we have future openings, we will consider you. Good luck.” Another sign from God.

The last sign from God came earlier this morning. To make money for things that my VA scholarship and stipend do not cover for medical school, mainly those high as board exams that will be coming up, I took a contract teaching gig for a new medical school that is opening in SoCal. I met the assistant. Program director today and she said that the primary reason why she hired me is because she’d listened to a podcast interview that I did last year, and she said that my authenticity and story of perseverance really touched her and she said that I was the sort of facilitator that the students in her program needed to guide them to their paths to medical school. She then admitted that she had always wanted to attend medical school but thought that she was too old but after seeing that I am a medical student, she said that she now is giving her dream a second thought.

Earlier this evening, God hit me in the head one last time for good measure. This person sent me a message from out of the blue. You guys can read it below but what I realized is that my journey, especially starting with getting into a PhD program when so many people said it was going to be impossible, has not been just about me. Over the last month, I have been getting all sorts of random emails, and messages on LinkedIn and Facebook from people who’ve said that my journey is inspiring to them to reach heights that they never thought that they could. I realize that me walking this path, as tough as it is, isn’t only about me finishing medical school for the benefit of me and my wife/family, but it’s also to let others know that they too can accomplish any goal that they set their mind to. So, I’m feeling renewed and have a sharper sense of purpose. I’m rededicated to finishing what I’ve started. I see my eye doctor one last time this week and then I’m looking forward to being back in class with my classmates and friends at UIWSOM in July.