Today is one of those days when I wish that I had a good spiritual advisor or an older male who has lived life that I could speak with and get some advice from. I did something very stupid in 2009 and the results of that stupidity have come back to bite me. There is this saying that what is done in the dark will come to the light, Its only a matter of time when it comes out...
I’m requesting prayers for my wife, myself, and our marriage. Back in the summer of 2009, I hooked up with an ex and had a one-night stand. Later, maybe 4-5 months later, she called my wife (who was then my grlfriend) and said that she was pregnant. At the time, we didn’t know if the child was mine or the guy that my ex was dating, but as you can imagine, my wife was quite angry and hurt. At the time, she asked me to prove to her, one way or the other if the child was mine or not. She’d also said that she didn’t know if she could be a stepmother and didn’t know if she would stay or leave if the child did prove to be mine. Out of fear of losing my relationship, I made the selfish decision to not do anything and really, I just pretended that the issue didn’t exist. The issue was always somewhere on my wife's mind and from time to time, we would argue about it. Well, this past Sept. I arranged for a DNA test and the results came back yesterday (Sat., 1/22/2022): I have a son. As you can imagine, my wife is hurt but she agreed to marital therapy though there is no telling what will happen long term. And of course, I must figure out how to move forward with a son that is 10 or 11 and has never met me. This is a mess of my own creation and no matter what happens, I must accept the consequences, but I will need prayers for strength, patience, and understanding and if it is God’s will that my wife forgives me and keep me as her husband, we’ll need prayers for continued healing, patience, and understanding.
So, I sit here, in tears with a part of myself feeling ike I have no right to ask for forgiveness from my wife or God, I humbly ask you, the reader, to send prayers so that I can emerge from this as a stronger man who has an intact marriage and hopefully, a relationship with a son that he has never met.
